


not a dandy or the sharpest knife in the drawer

by redbrunja



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Comedy, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-06
Updated: 2014-08-06
Packaged: 2018-02-12 00:59:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2089764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/redbrunja/pseuds/redbrunja
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jane and Darcy have a <i>totally reasonable and adult</i> discussion about Darcy's choice of sexual partners.</p>
            </blockquote>





	not a dandy or the sharpest knife in the drawer

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sevenfoxes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sevenfoxes/gifts).



Darcy was close, he could tell.

 

She'd stopped kissing him, her fingers scrambling gracelessly at his bare shoulders as she panted. Her hair was sticking to her checks, her lovely neck, vividly dark against the soft blue of the couch. He was crouched over her, his left hand between her thighs.

 

His metal arm wasn't good with temperature, wasn't as sensitive, so he couldn't feel how hot she was, how soft inside, but he could feel her slickness, feel how his metal fingers just slipped off her folds, the way she pressed her hips up against his touch so hard, chasing the friction, that he worried about hurting her.

 

Or he would worry about hurting her, if she hadn't been making these absolutely lovely wrecked sounds, if she hadn't been staring at him with wide, dazed eyes and plundered mouth.

 

"DARCY WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"  Jane yelled from right. behind. him.

 

He flinched so badly, fingers jerking out of her, out of her jeans, that it had to have hurt.

 

He hadn't even heard Jane or Thor come in.

 

( _You're_ _fucking useless_ , he thought.)

 

Darcy's face was screwed up with pain or frustration–

 

"OH MY GOD, JANE, WHAT DO YOU THINK I WAS DOING?!?" she yelled.

 

That expression on her face was definitely 120% frustration.

 

Darcy lay flat on her back and made a little ta-da! gesture at James. A movement which did _amazing_ things to her breasts, half-spilling out of her bra, her shirt unbuttoned.

 

"DARCY. WHAT. ARE. YOU. DOING. WITH. _HIM_?" Jane clarified.

 

Yeah, James wouldn't want a friend of his making time with him either.

 

Darcy repeated her ta-da! gesture.

 

Behind Jane, Thor's expression was unreadable.

 

Jane stormed around the couch, grabbed Darcy's arm, and hauled Darcy off the couch, across the room, and into the lab.

 

As far as attempts at privacy went, it was a pretty poor attempt, as Jane's private lab was separated from Jane's living area by walls of bullet-proof glass. It was soundproofed, sure, but Jane and Darcy were both very expressive women, even if James hadn't been able to read lips.

 

In retrospect, this had been an exceptionally bad place to neck with Darcy.

 

Behind the glass, Jane pointed at him and then made inarticulate flaily gestures with her hands. Darcy made a face and started buttoning up her shirt.

 

He curled his hand into a fist so tight he could feel the stress of the metal all the way to his shoulder. He resisted the urge to lick his fingers clean, lick at the taste of her.

 

His cock had not even slightly gotten the message that sex was off the table.

 

James glanced at Thor. Thor's expression was still unreadable.

 

James looked back at Jane and Darcy in time to lip-read Darcy saying, _Bucky is not even close to the worst guy I've had sex with._

Jane's jaw dropped. _Yes, he actually, literally IS!_

 

_Oh, wait, did Bucky steal my debit card and then tell me I was lucky he was willing to fuck my fat ass? No, he did not,_ Darcy snapped back, while she angrily readjusted her bra.

 

Jane looked surprised, so clearly James wasn't the only person who hadn't heard about that particular ex of Darcy's.

 

_Bucky, right, spent this morning eating me out AND THEN FED ME PIZZA FOR BREAKFAST, JANE._

She'd made almost the exact same noises tearing into a slice of pizzas as she had when he'd been licking between her thighs.

 

"The combination of the best post-sex food in the world (pizza) with the best breakfast food in the world (also pizza) is _so_ working for me right now," she'd said, leaning against his kitchen counter in her underwear, teeth biting shamelessly at a slice of sausage and pineapple. "Like, don't get me wrong, your cock's nice and all, but this is the best thing I've ever put in my mouth."

 

James still feeling the lazy sparks of pleasure from the blow job she'd just given him, would not have been able to be insulted by that statement if he'd tried.

 

Presently, Jane had a considering expression on her face.

 

"Steven speaks highly of you," Thor said.

 

James turned to him. It was obviously time for the dutch uncle, stay-the-fuck-away-from-Darcy talk.

 

"Steve's a soft touch," he said after a moment. He tried to sound matter-of-fact, but his fondness for Steve was still clear in his voice.

 

"He said that there is much cruelty in your past," Thor continued.

 

James looked down, mouth twisting.

 

"Darcy has a kind heart, like my Jane. You are lucky to have Darcy by your side," he finished.

 

That was unexpected.

 

Thor patted James' shoulder. "And it goes without stating, that if you harm her in any fashion, I will take great pleasure in flattening you."

 

James' couldn't quite help the smirk pulling at his mouth as his lifted two fingers to his temple in a salute

 

Jane exited the lab, looking flushed and flustered. She stopped in front of James, narrowed her eyes at him, and made this brief, awkward gesture with her hands, and then headed to the elevator, Thor following.

 

Once the doors had closed behind them, Darcy heaved a huge sigh.

 

"Talk about a mood killer," she said to him. There was a long pause, and then she went, "fuck it," and flung herself at him. James was laughing as he caught her, as he pulled her close, as he rolled them off the couch and onto the floor. The sound was rough but still recognizably laugher. The sound died as he bent his head to kiss along the line of her throat.

 

"So, if I'm not the worst guy you've ever fucked, where exactly am I in the ranking?" he asked as he worked on getting her blouse unbuttoned again.

 

"I'd tell you," Darcy said, cupping the nape of his neck and digging her nails just the perfect amount into his skin, "but then you'd get unbearably smug and/or freak out about it so."

She mimed locking her mouth with a key and James leaned down, nipped at the soft curve of her bottom lip.


End file.
